


Armor

by Archangelsanonymous (Pattypixie)



Series: Catharsis [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Triggers, Yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2596814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pattypixie/pseuds/Archangelsanonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was never a reason for Gabriel to take off his armor until now, but why was he still unable to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Armor

    It made sense that Sam was mad at him. Gabriel took the yelling standing still and not saying a word, like he did with anyone who had ever yelled at or around him. He had learned the tactic from the fights Lucifer and Michael had. Fighting along with them wasn’t an option and fleeing just made things worse. Now that he thought about it, he had the flight or fight response of a deer. Great. 

    “Are you even listening to me?” Sam shouted. “Have you got anything to say at all?”

    Gabriel’s mouth gaped open like a goldfish for a moment before the closed it completely. His vocal chords never worked in these situations either. He looked down at the ground, avoiding Sam’s face. He had a right to be mad, and Gabriel was willing to take it. Why wouldn’t Sam just let Gabriel take it?

 

    A stinging started in the back of his eyes, signaling tears. NO. Anything but crying. Tears always made things a hundred times worse. It made him seem weak and he wasn’t. Gabriel couldn’t be weak. He took a deep breath and clenched the fists he was making in his pockets. He had to go. He had to get out of here. He had to…

    In a moment, he was on a cliff, overlooking the Atlantic. Gabriel took a deep breath of the salty, cool air and fell to his knees in the grass. Tears came flooding out of him as Sam’s angry prayers echoed in his mind. Sam didn’t understand. No one did. Not even himself most of the time.

    Everything was just easier when Gabriel put up a facade. It had taken years to perfect it, but it was a genius mask. To the world, Gabriel seemed like an open book. Want him to talk about heaven? No problem. His years as a pagan? Why not. It was only when people got close to Gabriel that they started to see it. They started to see the wall he surrounded himself with, forcing people out and keeping himself locked safely inside. There was no point in letting himself be known. Everyone left him anyway. Sure, Gabriel was fun to be around for a while; cracking jokes, pulling pranks, mind-blowing orgasms. 

    It hit Sam like it had hit Kali. He had finally realized that he knew everything about Gabriel, and nothing at all. Everything Sam knew about the archangel was circumstantial, and after being together for two years (which was apparently a long time for a human), he should know almost everything. Sam knew all of Gabriel’s favorite things, from candy to television. He knew about his history including heaven and his years masquerading as Loki. What he didn’t know was who Gabriel was.

   To be honest, Gabriel didn’t even know who he was anymore. He had been wearing the mask for so long, it was hard to remember who was under it. His fingers ran through his golden hair and he looked up at the sky. Sam deserved the real him, and Gabriel wanted with all his heart to hand himself over on a silver platter. He grabbed at his chest, attempting to physically break through the metaphorical armor that he was covered in. He was sick of the suit. It was heavy and left scars where it chaffed, and he didn’t need it anymore. Not with Sam. That stupid Winchester was his end all, and the universe knew it, so why couldn’t he?

     _"Gabriel. I’m sorry."_

    Sam’s voice pierced clear through the cloud of self-loathing he was currently drowning in. Gabriel wiped away his eyes and let his hands fall as he listened.

    “I shouldn’t have yelled. If my dad taught me anything, it should have been that. I just…” Sam sighed.  _"I guess I just don’t understand, but maybe I’m not meant to. Not yet anyway. I mean, you have been around for—literally—ever and you have every right to keep yourself hidden. It’s really the only thing you know how to do."_  Gabriel winced at that revelation. 

    _“The point is, I love you, and I just want you to come home. I love what I know, and if someday, you do show me who you really are, I’m sure I’ll love it just as much. You’re it for me, and I don’t think I can get through this life without you.”_

    Gabriel flew back to the eastern Kentucky motel room as fast as his wings could carry him. Sam was sitting on the bed with his head down, facing the door, and looked up when Gabriel appeared.

    “I’m sorry, too, Sam,” He breathed, biting his lip.

   The hunter stood up and crossed the room, wrapping up Gabriel in his arms. “I love you”s and “I’m sorry”s flooded out of him as he kissed the angel’s neck and face. 

   ”Sam, I…” Gabriel closed his eyes and nudged his face against Sam’s. “I know I have this armor up. It’s been up for longer than I remember, and I’m not sure of what’s underneath anymore.” Sam pulled his face away, listening. “I don’t know, but I want to know, and I want you to find out with me. It may take a long time, so I understand if…”

    “Gabriel,” Sam reached up and cupped the angel’s cheek. “I told you you were it for me, and I meant it. I’ll wait as long as it takes. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being patient. I’ve had years of practice with Dean.” They both chuckled and they air immediately lightened. “That armor will come off one piece at a time, and we’ll throw it away together, okay?” Gabriel nodded and buried his face in Sam’s chest. He mumbled something and Sam pulled away. “What?”

    “The…the yelling,” Gabriel blushed a little. “I really don’t like yelling. It’s a trigger or whatever, I guess…”

    “Okay,” Sam smiled and smoothed down Gabriel’s hair. “No more yelling.”

    And just like that, Gabriel already felt a little lighter.


End file.
